Sense of belonging

Just now, I scrolled down my social media and had a long time reflecting upon it. I thought I was the same person as before but actually I did change a lot physically and mentally. I could say my old self was stronger and wiser because she could write such things which had made her new self crying - perhaps due to the longing of the light, the inspiration, the reflection given by Allah back then. Now, I find myself could not write such reflection anymore, I have losen the soft spots inside here that used to appear inside my head without I even had to think hard.

One thing I realised is that I have a lot of friends but not belong to any of them. The memories I shared with my friends at school are too brief to put me inside their heart. No matter how close I am to them, there will always be the closer.
I have to know my place though because for the Kizarians, I lost their adulthood company. While for the Shamsians, I am not there in their childhoods'. That is how unlucky I am in friendship that my place will be on the fence not belong to any land. hahaha.

My friends have grown up successfully. The Kizarians are not the children I remember anymore. They have become gorgeous ladies and gentlemen. The baby faced has become manly, the selekeh has become stunning. I love to see their update but the differences make me feel so distant from our memories and from them. I guess they do not remember me anymore.

The Shamsians are very sophisticated and well-lived. I am so happy to see everyone's enjoying their life so much and they are still meeting each other. How blessed their life to be filled with familiar faces all along. I want to be part of them but it seems too far and too blurry.

I wish to become the closest to all my friends in the hereafter. I want them to enjoy my company there. I love them soo much that I don't want them to experience difficulties, hardship and sadness in this life. Even their life are mostly without me, as long as they are happy, is more than enough.