Bullet 5

Dear self,

Today you become sensitive again,

I'm glad that you can still figure out the best way to end this degree.. to finish what you had started.

You are lucky to have supportive friends who asked you to join their study group even you are of no help to them.

You have immense anxiety for the upcoming shortcase and still want to prepare your best for it. 

When you asked about it to your friends, no one seems to want to practice shortcases with you. Their reactions were so surprising, I never thought that I really am alone in this field. I for multiple times try to convince myself that my feelings are wrong, I am not alone, I am not lonely, I have several good friends, and they are always there for me, but just now.. I was hurt by the fact that no one actually wants to do things together with me.. maybe they are helping me out of pity all this while.. maybe I am not really their close friends. Hahaha.. how stupid I am. How clueless I am.. My gut feelings is true in the end. I am alone in this world.. I am lonely.. I am hurt.. 

So dear self, 

I hope you can stop being hopeful.. 

You just hurting yourself by doing so..

Just live your life alone like you used to..

Even if it hurts, no one gets involved..