Catatonia

Look up with open eyes

My vision is blurry... still

Lying down with eyes close

My heart is aching... still

What is this?

Am I in catatonia?

Catatonia.. catatonia..?

Dissappointment, Rejection, Heartbreak and Fear

Makes up the blanket 

For me to freeze in

Enough with the fight

Enough with the flight

I'm freezing in the blanket 

with this frightening loneliness

Outside, the shadows grow

This fancy room

This huge space

This gadget

Am I worthy of all these?

Everyday in blue.. still

What's wrong with me??

What's wrong with me..

I've given up... have I? 

Is it okay to give up?

It is unbearably heavy.. this life.

It's uncontrollably crazy.. myself.

I just want to start new

at new place

with new people

Is it too hard of a request?

lethal than this ongoing cycle of suicide and sabotage?

I'm bleeding, 

I'm in pain,

I'm in shock,

I called for help..

Let me out of here

The air here suffocates me to death

Their two ears listening

Their faith uttering,

You can do it!

You can survive!

I'm left bleeding and dying without end..

I watch the window day by day

repeating the jumping and dying

Crossing the road with closed eyes

Hoping to be hit and die

I still have faith

Of the hereafter

That hell is the ultimate ending

For those who choose to end

Can I at least save this little piece of faith

before I really lose it..

Give me wings to fly away

Give me strength to resuscitate

Give me way to start again.